What to Do: Right or wrong, many men see housework as something they do for their wives almost as a favor, says psychologist Joshua Coleman. Instead of fighting it, use it to your advantage: Tell him how important a clean house is to you, and make your requests with affection. (Does motive matter if the counters are clean?)

What Not to Do: Resist dishing out moral judgments. “You’re such a slob” or “You’re so lazy” is not going to get the floors scrubbed.

Sample Script: “I know it doesn’t bother you if there are a few dirty dishes on the counter, but I feel much more relaxed when the kitchen is clean. It would really mean a lot to me if we could figure out a system for getting the housework done that works for both of us.” (“You look so good in rubber gloves” might help, too.)