Last year, as the holidays approached, I was chatting with a friend of mine about what each of us planned to do over the long New Year’s weekend. We had both worked hard all year, and I, for one, was really looking forward to doing only the things that delighted me and the people I loved. “Well, I’ll tell you what my husband is going to be doing,” she said. “He thinks he’s going hunting with his pals, but he’s actually going to be taking the air conditioners out of the windows. Can you believe he hasn’t done it yet? We’re all freezing from the drafts!”

“You’re right,” I said.
“Of course I am. It’s ridiculous.”
“I know.” I paused. “But I’m just wondering.…”
“Wondering what?” she asked, looking slightly annoyed.
“I’m just wondering what kind of weekend you want to have.”
“What do you mean?” She sounded suspicious.
“Well, I don’t know. Maybe you’d like to have a cozy, romantic weekend together. I mean, the children will be at friends’ houses, and…”
“Go on,” she said.
“Look, you can be committed to being right about how wrong he is not to have taken out those air conditioners sooner, or you can be committed to having a really delightful weekend together. But you can’t have both. A ticked-off guy usually isn’t all that romantic — you know what I mean?”
She thought for a minute. “Hmm. But what about the air conditioners? I’m so sick of them.”
“It depends on what you want more,” I replied.

Ultimately, my friend chose the romantic weekend with her husband, and because she focused on making it delightful, it really was. And guess what? Her husband took out the air conditioners without even being asked! (And he didn’t go hunting, either.)