Rob Howard Page 42 of 57

Etiquette Questions, Answered: Tricky Conversations

Should I Compliment a Recent Plastic Surgery?

Q. If it’s obvious that someone has had plastic surgery, are you supposed to compliment her on it or act as if she hasn’t had any work done?
Cara Hart
Colchester, Connecticut

A. The goal of having plastic surgery, as far as I understand it, is to look greatly improved―without having to explain how this amazing change came about (that is, having paid lots of money to have a doctor cut into your face, neck, tummy, or tush). So even if it’s glaringly, ridiculously evident that someone has had plastic surgery, we’re all supposed to play along in the theater of the absurd and only say, “You look fantastic!”

This all said, if you’re feeling audacious or genuinely interested in joining the club, then say, “Really, you look so amazing. I have to ask. What’s your secret?” That way, if your friend feels like revealing all or bragging about her doctor, she can do so without feeling busted or humiliated. Otherwise, if she shrugs and says, “I guess I’ve just been getting more sleep,” then it’s your job to smile and say, “Well, whatever it is, it’s working!”

—Julie Rottenberg

Next: How Do I Tell an Infertile Friend I’m Pregnant?

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