Etiquette Questions, Answered: Entertaining and Guests

Can I Throw My Own Baby Shower?

Q. Is it appropriate to host your own wedding or baby shower? And is it acceptable to list registry information on the invitation?
Name withheld by request

A. If you’re getting married or having a baby, congratulations! You shouldn’t be denied an occasion to celebrate these happy rites of passage simply because it didn’t occur to someone else to throw a party for you. (Maybe all your friends are still single or childless and therefore not yet clued in to the shower mind-set, or maybe your family doesn’t live nearby.) Either way, it’s perfectly appropriate to plan your own party.

Here’s how to do it gracefully, in a way that reminds guests that you care more about sharing your joy than getting a lot of loot. Imagine that you are inviting people to a birthday party for yourself—which, by the way, is something that no one would tsk-tsk about—and limit the guest list to your circle of nearest and dearest. They’re the people who will most welcome an opportunity to toast your good fortune. As for your registry, if someone wants to know where you’ve registered for salad bowls or a Diaper Genie, she’ll ask. Otherwise there’s no need to bring up the subject.

—Michelle Slatalla