My Battle With Sleeplessness

Woman tossing and turning in bed
Elinor Carucci

My sleep patterns are very consistent because they are artificially mediated by drugs: I am getting a respectable average of 7½ hours a night, with a few nighttime wake-ups. I find that my sleep gets choppier when I feel even mildly stressed. One night I decide not to watch the nail-biter TV show Breaking Bad before bed, only to have a dream about it that wakes me at 4 a.m. There is some evidence to suggest that my brain is working overtime. A 2004 University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine study that examined the brain’s metabolic activity determined that the brains of insomniacs are more active than those of normal sleepers.

When I bring my diary back to the clinic, Ahmad outlines my new behavioral plan. Over the years, I’ve read so much advice about “sleep hygiene” that I could recite most of the guidelines, well, in my sleep, but I’ve never implemented them. I’ve been arrogant enough to think that they couldn’t possibly help my uniquely Broken Brain. Now I agree to try them in the name of science.

Starting that night, I adopt the plan with religious zeal, and it makes me weirdly anxious because I’m obsessed with doing it perfectly. Which is how I wind up taking my nightly bath in the dark, trying to read by flashlight. (I fear that the bathroom light is bright enough to stimulate my suprachiasmatic nucleus.) I call Rubin Naiman, Ph.D., a clinical assistant professor of medicine at the University of Arizona’s Center for Integrative Medicine, in Tucson, and the author of The Yoga of Sleep ($20, amazon.com), to tell him that this relaxation stuff is harshing my mellow. He explains that I need an attitude adjustment. “First,” he tells me, “you have to have faith that it’s possible to sleep again.”

 

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