You Need: A Large Griddle
You can use: A roasting pan.
We're talking scrambled eggs and sausage for a crowd, and Buick-size pancakes for your uncle Jimmy. Only heavy metal pans need apply: Most earthenware and glass pans aren't stovetop safe. Span the roaster over two burners, as if you were making gravy. Use moderate heat, and move the pan around periodically to keep the bottom evenly heated.